Once upon a mild summer night, a veteran crusader by the name of Hauptmann Feuerschwanz decided to turn his back on battle, carnage, and murder.  Unfortunately, the crusades have left their mark on him...and friend and foe alike shudder (lustfully?) at the sound of his mad cackle.  Having hung up his sword, he immersed himself in his greatest passions- wooing, wine, and wenches- and especially the winning of the latter!  As the years passed, the Hauptmann squandered upon his pleasures, first the wealth won in the Holy Land, then his family fortune- all but one ramshackle ruin no one cared to take of his hands, which he promptly declared the head quarters of his horny horde.

Johanna is Walther’s little sister.  Her dearest ambition has always been to be a full-fledged knight, but unfortunately she is and always will be a girl.  She seized her chance, however, when Walther sprained his finger picking the lock on an Everlast-chastity belt: with the aid of a customized corselet designed to hide her breasts, Johanna became Johan.  She successfully maintained her deception for many years, and even held her own in a number of manly rituals, regularly drinking the entire horde under the table (although she can’t quite beat the Squire at belching).  When she finally revealed her true identity, the horde manfully mastered its surprise with the aid of a few flagons of mead.  Now a full member of the horny horde, Johanna upholds the proud family tradition of breaking and entering chastity belts: much to the delight of her companions, she has unlocked the knickers of a number of tight-laced maids.

Who has not heard of the grand and grandiose jouster, Sir Lanzeflott?  Certainly, his name is better known than the fact that his persistent fiddlings with the length of his lance have earned him a life-long ban by the international jousting commission.  Once his king demanded payment of ten years‘ back tax on his lance-wielding years, Sir Lanzeflott was quick to accept the post of drummer to Hauptmann Feuerschwanz and his horny horde.  At the same time, he began a successful career as a lance-enhancer, and has helped many a knight turn a puny lance into a mighty weapon ...

Once upon a time, Johann and Lanceflott were discussing the Haptmann’s birthday present over mugs of beer.  They couldn’t very well give him yet another vat of mead...then Lanzeflott hit on the solution: a Squire! Surely, every knight needs a squire.  So Johann trotted off to the nearest squire merchant to select a suitable candidate.  Rumour has it that his selection was made with revenge in mind for the Hauptmann’s many pranks; certainly, the Squire is all a squire shouldn’t be... but he is the best of drinking companions for Lanzeflott and Johann.  Among the Squire’s daily chores are cleaning the Hauptmann’s armour, ironing his chainmail, clipping his toenails with his teeth and much much more...

Prinz R. Hodenherz III. junior is the result of Richard Hodenherz’s annual Christmas visits to the Anglo-Saxon court of his younger brother, whose Queen he kindly kept warm at night.  The young Prince quickly discovered his musical talents and good looks, which earned him the nickname "Prinz Charming" among the ladies-in-waiting.  Very quickly, no maid at court was safe from his advances, and he was sent on an extended trip around the world to build some character.  On this journey of self-discovery, he fell in with Hauptmann Feuerschwanz and his horny horde, determined henceforth to bring the Hodenherz family tradition to the stages of this world.

Before falling in with the horny horde, Hans was a real goodie-two-shoes.  He did not smoke, he did not drink, but roamed the woods protecting the poor and the weak.  The money he made from robbing the rich, he put into a fund for the protection of endangered mythical species, like dragons and unicorns.  One day, however, he bumped into the Hauptmann and his horny horde in a tavern, and Hans’ life changed forever.  That very night, he gambled away every penny of his unicorn protection fund, and discovered the charms of wine and wenches.  Without further ado, he turned his back on heroism and decided to become a true champion of Heavy Metal.  After dogging the Hauptmann’s every step, regaling him with incredible soli on his electric guitar, he was made a member of the horde and now roams the world as a defender of True Mead.